Wednesday, July 1, 2020

DVD Review - The Girl In The Crawlspace (2018)


I forced myself to rewatch the horrible so-called horror flick The Girl in the Crawlspace, just so I could reboot my memory before I wrote this review. It’s an ITN Distribution title that Mill Creek Entertainment released on DVD earlier this year.

Written and directed by John Oak Dalton, The Girl in the Crawlspace features a cast of nobodies that cannot act. It's like the casting director grabbed random people from off the street, gave them a dollar, and told them to read a few lines from a script that took five minutes to write. Yes, it's that bad!

The movie centers on an out-of-work screenplay writer, Johnny (played by John Hambrick), and his therapist wife, Kristen (played by Joni Durian), moving to a small rural town. Shortly after their arrival, they meet Jill (played by Erin R. Ryan), the lone survivor of the Crawlspace Killer, who spends most of her days walking around town in a daze, trying to remember how she escaped the serial killer.

Johnny believes Jill's story would make a brilliant movie. He takes advantage of her vulnerability by befriending her, but in reality, he's only trying to get information about the Crawlspace Killer so he can write a screenplay. Thankfully, he's married to a shrink who can help Jill recover her memories.

Final Thoughts

The Girl in the Crawlspace should be shown in every film school to show wannabe filmmakers what not to do when making a movie. Just because anyone can get their hands on a camera doesn't make them a director. Holy crap, this movie is awful!

I have watched many (and I mean many) low-budget horror flicks with bad acting, but The Girl in the Crawlspace is the worst of the bunch. None of the cast can act, though it doesn't help when every line from the script is cringe.

By the way, have I mentioned that the script sucks?!

The character, Johnny, spends over half of his screen-time in useless conversations with an odd group who are always playing Dungeons & Dragons. Now I have nothing against the game, but the dialogue in these scenes is beyond dumb. And, don't get me started on Tom Cherry who plays Woody, the town's marshal. The character's dialogue is just plain stupid, and he's pointless (and useless) until the predictable ending twist.

Overall, The Girl in the Crawlspace is hands down the dumbest horror movie ever produced. There should be a law made to stop these types of flicks from being made.



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