The Midnight Horror: 'Mandy: The Haunted Doll' (2018)

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Ever since the Conjuring franchise unveiled the sinister charm of Annabelle—and yes, I’m fully aware that this horror icon is inspired by a supposed haunted Raggedy Ann doll—the floodgates for low-budget haunted doll horror flicks swung wide open. Among the most eye-roll-inducing entries is 2018’s Mandy: The Haunted Doll, which loosely borrows from the tale of a century-old porcelain doll that allegedly haunts the Quesnel Museum in British Columbia. Now, let’s not kid ourselves—a doll is just a doll, right? But those vintage ones? They can look downright unnerving. Just the thought of sleeping in a room filled with them sends shivers down my spine. Goosebumps galore!

So, what sinister plot plays out in the realm of Mandy? Picture this: Amber, Carly, and Neil, the trio of thieves, have concocted what they believe to be the perfect heist. Amber will don the guise of a babysitter, infiltrate wealthy households, and, while their unsuspecting little ones sleep, they’ll raid their homes. It seems almost foolproof until Amber’s luck runs dry. Hired by the enigmatic Miss O’Brien, she is tasked with watching over her “sweet, dear little Mandy.” Just one catch—never disturb the child. Once they’re alone, the thieves’ eyes glint with greed, and they begin their treasure hunt, only to discover that Mandy is far from a mere child; she’s a malevolent, possessed doll with a lethal agenda of her own.

Now, let me paraphrase a line from the film that perfectly encapsulates my feelings: “Holy shit! That was good. Do we have to more?” (though I’m sure it’s not verbatim). This masterpiece of dialogue drops just after one character takes a single, half-hearted nibble of her sandwich, already sensing the impending doom of an atrocious cinematic experience. If I were a drinking man, maybe I could’ve found some solace in the chaos of Mandy: The Haunted Doll, but alas, I don’t indulge, and instead had to endure this train-wreck of a film sober.

Screenwriter Shannon Holiday didn’t just swipe ideas from Annabelle; she also lifted morsels from The Boy (2016) and Don’t Breathe (2016)—both of which are far superior films. Now, don’t think I’m going to let the director, Jamie Weston, entirely off the hook. I was initially inclined to say, “He did his best,” until I discovered he boasts over a decade of filmmaking experience. Talk about a letdown! The responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of the director, the writer, and the producers. As for the cast? Well, they deserve a slight reprieve. I had higher hopes for a British cast, but they, too, were caught in the web of a horrendous script laden with cringeworthy dialogue.

But hey, don’t just take my word for it. Mandy: The Haunted Doll is probably lurking on every free streaming service, that graveyard where bad horror films go to die. Venture into its murky depths at your own risk… or maybe just for a good laugh. Either way, you’ve been warned! ╌★✰✰✰✰

〜B.J. Burgess