The Midnight Horror: 'The Lady in Black' (2014)

Ah, The Lady in Black. Just uttering the title sends shivers down my spine, and not for the reasons a good horror flick should. This cinematic catastrophe is one of the key culprits that nudged me away from the realm of low-budget horror films. You see, these so-called distributors have a penchant for scooping up smaller projects and marketing them under a flashy guise that has little—if anything—to do with the actual content. Just look at the poster: a creepy ghost girl clutching a teddy bear, standing before an ominous old house. In a shocking twist, neither the girl nor the house truly reflects what unfolds on screen. It’s the classic bait and switch, and in this case, it’s a masterclass in disappointment.

Now, onto the plot—or shall I say, the meandering saga that pretends to be one. Our protagonist, Nelson, is haunted not just by the grief of a nightmare, but rather a chilling premonition of a woman’s murder that sets off a string of serial killings. The stakes are high as he races to solve this ghastly mystery, driven by the eerie question of why his dreams are leading him down this blood-soaked path. So far, so intriguing, right? Wrong. What could have been a gripping psychological thriller takes a nosedive into the realm of melodrama.

Expecting a spine-tingling supernatural tale, I instead got a convoluted drama fest, with Nelson’s nightmares morphing into vague premonitions of murder. On paper, it doesn’t sound terrible, but the execution reads like a poorly penned fanfiction. A script that seems to have been cobbled together during a coffee break, acting that could make a wooden plank seem animated, and directing that feels as misguided as a blindfolded squirrel in a nut factory. The entire ordeal drags on for an excruciating 112 minutes—just shy of two hours. Seriously, ever heard of editing? Snipping twenty to thirty minutes could have salvaged a modicum of sanity from this train wreck. But even that might not have been enough. Maybe sprinkle in some unnecessary nudity, a dash of gratuitous sex, or a splash of gore to inexplicably mask the flimsy script. Alas, none of that magic happens.

In the end, I found myself loathing The Lady in Black with an intensity usually reserved for haunted houses at Halloween. Spare yourself the agony; take my advice and steer clear of this cinematic misfire. It’s a haunting you don’t need in your life. ╌★✰✰✰✰

〜B.J. Burgess