Why do moviegoers flock to overpriced theaters to endure yet another lazy, plot-ridden dinosaur flick? It appears I’ve inadvertently provided my own answer—dinosaurs. Not the majestic, real dinosaurs of yore; those are long extinct and confined to the annals of history. What we have now is a parade of CGI monstrosities, rendered with the slickness of modern technology, but lacking the soul of artistic creativity. Yes, running to the big screen to witness that sounds utterly thrilling—at least, that’s the sound of my dripping sarcasm.
Personally, I find scant interest in the latest installment of the Jurassic franchise. Oh, forgive me for the slight oversight—it seems it has been rebranded as Jurassic World. Clever move, really—renaming a franchise is like putting a fresh coat of paint on an old, forgotten barn; it might look shiny, but it’s still just a rotting structure. The studio heads are milking every last dime from moviegoers' pockets for yet another mindless, clichéd popcorn flick, leaving our wallets decidedly lighter.
Now, let's pivot to the main event: Jurassic World Rebirth, the seventh entry in a franchise that arguably should have stopped at the original 1993 film. Remember when Spielberg opted against Michael Crichton’s original grim ending, opting instead to let the dino-games continue? True, Crichton’s The Lost World offered a second island, but considering how the cinematic industry has gone, it’s astounding it took them this long to exploit the franchise further.
I hope I'm not rambling on too much; I sincerely apologize if I am.
Jurassic World Rebirth unfolds three years after 2022's Dominion, directed by the talented Garth Edwards, known for his vivid storytelling in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. The screenplay is stitched together by the original Jurassic Park writer, David Koepp, who returns to the fold after years away, perhaps fulfilling some long-lost yearning for dinosaur lore. While the film opts not to bring back any familiar faces from the series, it does feature a tantalizing array of new characters, brought to life by an "all-star cast" touted by Entertainment Weekly. Leading this ensemble is none other than Scarlett Johansson, a titan of action in Black Widow and The Avengers, along with Jonathan Bailey from Bridgerton, and two-time Oscar winner Mahershala Ali, who dazzled audiences in Moonlight and Green Book.
The supporting cast is no less impressive, including Rupert Friend from Homeland, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo from The Lincoln Lawyer, and a dozen others who lend their talents to flesh out this perilous narrative. The film promises epic visuals and kinetic action, brilliantly supervised by the visual effects wizardry of Gareth Edwards.
The cinematic experience can now be yours to own, available in stunning 4K UHD [*], BLURAY [*], DVD [*], and across various digital platforms. Whether you’re a diehard fan of the franchise or a newcomer eager to explore, having this thrilling saga in your collection is essential. Embrace the adventure and delve into the chaos—who knows what awaits?
As for the bonus content, there’s a treasure trove waiting to be explored, including:
- An ALTERNATE OPENING (no cast featured)
- DELETED SCENES
- A heart-pounding sequence titled MUТADON ATTACK featuring a mix of our stars,
- A pulse-quickening segment on RAPTORS
- An insightful documentary, Jurassic World Rebirth: Hatching a New Era
- The thrilling Off the Deep End diving into oceanic escapades,
- Trekking Through Thailand - where the cast braves exotic locales.
- An unmissable encounter in Rex in the Rapids, paying homage to Crichton’s original novel.
- Don't Look Down capturing the cliffhanging drama in breathtaking scenes,
- A GAG REEL
- Meet Dolores
- Munched: Becoming Dinosaur Food—because who doesn't want to know what’s on the menu during a dinosaur apocalypse?
- Additional features include a day at Skywalker Sound, hunting for elusive Easter eggs, and insightful feature commentaries from key members of the production team.
Now, for the plot: A new era is born. A covert extraction team must race against time to infiltrate the world's deadliest location—a forsaken island research facility where the most dangerous dinosaurs, too perilous even for the chilling horror of the original Jurassic Park, await. Their mission: to gather DNA from three colossal creatures, aiming to unlock a groundbreaking drug with transformative potential for humanity. But in a treacherous locale brimming with lurking perils, they will stumble upon a shocking revelation that has been concealed for far too long.
Somehow, this film managed to rake in over $800 million at the box office—a staggering feat these days for theatrical releases. It appears people still flock to the big screen for a glimpse of dinosaurs, even when the plot resembles a jumbled puzzle with half the pieces missing. Seriously, who thought this script was ready for the light of day? It borrows way too heavily from Congo, that not-so-glorious 1995 adaptation of Michael Crichton’s novel. I mean, come on—it's got the one-dimensional "covert" team searching for dinosaur blood samples, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
As for the plot? It feels like two completely different movies were jammed into one—like trying to fit a T-Rex into a compact car. One thread pays homage to the “let’s navigate the jungle” trope with the covert operation, while the other takes a more family-oriented route, reminiscent of Land of the Lost, featuring a father, his two daughters, and the older daughter's boyfriend on a perilous boat trip through dinosaur-infested waters. Apparently, every prehistoric clone can now swim. Talk about plot holes big enough to swallow a brontosaurus.
Oh, and in the span of just two years, the entire world has somehow become bored with dinosaurs. Sure, that's utterly believable. Who wouldn’t yawn at the thought of creatures that roamed the Earth eons ago?
As for the "cover" team, I found myself utterly uninterested. Their dialogue was more wooden than an old park bench, and Scarlett Johansson’s limited range just weighed these scenes down like a lead balloon. On the flip side, I did find some enjoyment in the family lost on the island. That subplot had potential and should’ve taken center stage, though it tipped its hat just a bit too much to Jurassic Park III. At least I cared about these characters, which is more than I can say for the rest of the ensemble.
It drags on for what feels like an eternity before anything remotely thrilling happens, and when it finally does, my interest has fizzled away like a soda left open overnight. Honestly, I found myself rooting for the poorly written clone dinosaurs to take everyone out—what does that say about me?
In the end, Jurassic World Rebirth is little more than a desperate cash grab from a franchise that’s slowly gasping for creative breath. Entertaining? Sure, if you enjoy mindless spectacle. But it begs the question: why not milk this cash cow for every last drop before it keels over? Right? ╌★★½✰✰
〜B.J. Burgess
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