The Midnight Horror: 'The Unbidden' (2016)

I was only half-joking when I suggested I’d torture myself by diving into a sea of atrocious horror flicks, but I truly felt like I was being emotionally and physically tormented while enduring the cinematic disaster that is 2016's The Unbidden. This so-called horror film plays more like a cringeworthy, made-for-'90s cable melodrama than anything remotely terrifying. I actually felt a wave of nausea wash over me by the time those credits rolled.

Allow me to set the stage: our leading lady, Lauren Lee, is a mystery novelist plagued by some malevolent spirit. As her life tumbles down into a dark abyss, she turns to her ragtag group of friends, hoping a séance will save her from this supernatural menace. But instead of liberation, the exorcism goes spectacularly off the rails, and in strides a mysterious young man, ready to drag the women into a murky, twisted labyrinth of the past where shocking betrayals and disturbing secrets lurk.

Now, let’s talk about this “exorcism.” Spoiler alert: it never happens! Instead, Lauren’s friends gather—because of course, it’s the anniversary of her husband’s disappearance, or as I prefer to call it, his well-deserved demise. They huddle around a table for an amateurish reading, at which point a young man bursts in, brandishing a gun and declaring he’s Lauren’s long-lost son! And surprise! He’s right. This dim-witted lad, fresh from the land of convoluted logic, has jumped to the conclusion that his birth mother must be responsible for his father’s absence, despite having never laid eyes on either of them. But ah, fate intervenes, and he finally meets his mother that fateful night.

Then, we ge this inexplicably brief ghostly apparition—no, not a suggestive encounter; it’s just as pointless as it sounds. What could’ve been an interesting twist is tossed aside, drowned in a sea of predictability and melodrama that would make even the most hardened soap opera writers wince.

I must really wonder: why on earth was The Unbidden marketed as a horror film? There’s not a single scare to be found throughout this muddled narrative. The DVD cover promises a chilling experience, but instead, it left me with the sour taste of disappointment. I mean, it took me a grueling four hours to slog through an 84-minute film, including credits, because I kept hitting pause just to defog my brain from the sheer stupidity of the script.

The film is available for free streaming online, but for the love of all that is gory and good, I won’t reveal where. Save yourself the agony. Don’t watch this wretched film. Trust me—it sucks! ╌½✰✰✰✰

〜B.J. Burgess